Crying Again, But…

Two posts in two days must be some kind of record, but here goes. 🙂

I wanted to share with you about a moment I had with God last week. As I do most years, I’m doing a fast during the month of January to get focused on the right things and get God’s perspective on the year ahead. As part of that, I spend about 30 minutes each morning praying for people I love and situations God brings to mind.

Nearly a week ago, as my morning prayer time was nearing an end, I thanked God for bringing me here. Almost immediately, the tears began to flow. Three months ago, the tears would have been normal for almost any conversation with God that touched on my current situation. I might have thanked God then – out of sheer force of will, believing maybe one day I would see a reason for this season in Colorado.

But this time was different.

Before I tell you the difference, I should back up a bit. Back in December, I felt God wanted my word for this year to be Fulfillment. I argued with Him. I didn’t want to have faith for whatever fulfillment He might mean. I was afraid to hope it could mean fulfillment of dreams, and I also questioned whether fulfillment or satisfaction in my work and life would be achieved in the next 12 months. I was in a place where I wanted to coast and just let life happen without believing for anything major.

I shared a couple of weeks ago that God has been challenging me to continue hoping for seemingly impossible things, and as usual, He won our argument. Fulfillment would be my word for 2018, and Luke 1:45 is the verse that would accompany it.

Now, back to last week, as I thanked God for bringing me to this place, my mind flashed to the work that I’m doing now – no longer in food service, but working full time to lead worship music, lead a Bible study, and disciple young people. As I thought about those “jobs” I am privileged to do, I experienced such a deep sense of satisfaction. That feeling is what brought tears as I realized that it took only two and a half weeks for me to feel a portion of the fulfillment I’d been afraid to hope for only a month earlier. As I thanked God for this season, I was surprised to find I actually meant it deep inside this time.

I know there will be rough days before this season fades into the next. That sense of fulfillment will probably come and go, but I know God is faithful. As we surrender and allow Him to move us and work in and through us, He will surprise us with His goodness. There were days in the last year I clung to the idea in Psalm 27:13-14 that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living, and today I can testify to the truth of those words.

Whatever you’re facing today, “wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”

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