I’ve talked a bit before about paradoxes and conflicting emotions like joy and sadness that can accompany them. One definition of paradox according to the Cambridge English dictionary is: a situation or statement that seems impossible or is difficult to understand because it contains two opposite facts or characteristics.

Recently, there have been some events in my life – and perhaps mostly in my mind – that have made me aware of another paradox in my heart and mind. Those who know me well (or have read my book or blog posts) are probably aware of my tendency to struggle with feeling “less than” or “not enough”, and the battle has continued in recent months.

The seeming paradox here comes as a recent struggle with thoughts that I am “too much”. I have felt a few times recently that I am a burden and just too much for some to want as a friend. The events that led to this feeling aren’t important, because I know the message that I am too much or a burden was never intended. That message didn’t come from a friend but from the Father of Lies who loves to tell us all sorts of lies to keep us from realizing our value and our ability to change the world by living out the fullness of who God created us to be.

As I mulled over these thoughts that seem contradictory (how can one be “too much” and “not enough” at the same time?), I realized the underlying message is the same… “You are not worth it. (Whatever ‘it’ is – time, effort, etc. – you aren’t worth it.)”

That is the message my heart has struggled with during the past few weeks. Once that lie from the pit of hell was discovered, it could be dealt with. The freedom that comes from recognizing and getting rid of lies like that is so sweet. Once the lies are evicted from the place in my heart where they’ve taken up residence, truth can come and take their place. Truth really does set us free!

There is a lot going on in my life right now. I have some big dreams, and I’m believing more all the time that they are God-given dreams. They are far too big for me to do on my own, and that’s often a good indication they are from the mind of Someone much bigger than me. It is intimidating on the best of days to think of the things I hope to do, but it is impossible to believe for them if I’m listening to the lies the enemy whispers. Whether the message is that I’m not enough, too much, not worth it, or whatever else he says, believing him will become a wall between me and where I believe God is taking me.

I know he will keep trying to whisper in my ear all the awful things he wants me to believe, but I choose again today to believe what God says instead. With God in me, I am more than enough. He has decided I’m “worth it”, and His opinion is the only one that counts. With that knowledge in my heart, I will move forward boldly into whatever awaits in the coming chapters of my story.